From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
