I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't talk, ducks in the car
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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