when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
