come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
