We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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