3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
