Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
