Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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