Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
