Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
