i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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