i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
