Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bring me that man meat
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
