i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
