Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
