You can't special order awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
