I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
