I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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