But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
