I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
