Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
