i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
