it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
