I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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