I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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