i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
