Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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