I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
