How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
