i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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