why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
