shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how can u be prego again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
