this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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