"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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