I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
