his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
