I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She even gives head with a lisp.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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