the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
