I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
