In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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