just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
