wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
