a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
