We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
