Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
