If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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