Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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