I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
