Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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