pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
