OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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