I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
