from now on my penis is your penis
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
