maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
