He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
