i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
