yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
