Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
