I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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