Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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