is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
