I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
