I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
