Betty ford says i'm here all night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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