Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
