Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
