if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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