whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
