I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
