my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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