So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
