Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
