Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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