3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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