So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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