Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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