I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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