Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize