Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
