your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
