I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
