oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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