I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
