Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
