Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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