So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jerry, you need to find god
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
