if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
